I live in a neighborhood.  If you cross my street at the stop sign, there is an elementary school there.  I know it’s there and every single morning, the crossing dude waves to me as I take my kids to school.  A little farther down the road…another school….another school zone.  A little farther…another and then another.

That’s right, people.  4 school zones…every single morning.

This is what happened to me the other morning…..

We were running late.  We usually are, but this morning later than usual.  It was go Texan day and Sassy Gal couldn’t get her socks on, because they actually came up over her ankles.  Then she couldn’t pull her jeans down without her socks falling down.  Then she couldn’t get her boots on.

Brattitude Boy snapped his jean shirt on wrong and refused to take his cowboy hat off while eating, so it took him twice as long.  He also had to walk on the heels of his boots, because it is cool.

We were late…which makes me a lunatic crazy yelling screaming speeding mommy.

And, that’s when it happened.  I swerved around a car…because he was going the school zone speed limit and what happens…Joe cop pops out from behind the bushes and jumps in front of my car with his hand out and his gun…speed gun…DUH…pointed at my car.

I had two options…run him over with my Land Rover, which would have caused little to no damage to my car or pull over.  I pulled over.  My kids were in the car.  I was cussing up a blue streak and the kids were laughing.  LAUGHING!!

Joe Cop “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Me “As fast as the car in front of me? I’m really sorry, but I am late taking my kids to school this morning.”

Joe Cop peers around me to the back seat. “Well, you were going 34 in what is normally a 35, but it is a school zone.  Were you aware that this is a school zone?”

Me thinking…should I lie?? “Ummm, yes, but I am running late. And, I was just trying to get around that car over there.”

Joe Cop “Wait right here and you can roll your window up, Ma’am, if you are cold.”

How sweet…Joe Cop was concerned with me catching a cold while he was making me late for school while giving me a ticket!

Brattitude Boy “Are you going to jail?”

Me “No, they don’t take mommies to jail for speeding, just little boys that are in the cars with them.”

BB “I HATE you mommy.”

Me “And, especially little boys that say they hate their mommies.”

Sassy Gal “I’m telling my teacher you got a ticket.”

Me “You are not telling anyone, and by the way, I can have that cop haul you to jail too.”

Well, the Joe Cop came back and gave me a ticket, which I can have deferred.  All of that for what?? A FRIGGIN WARNING!!

And, what is the lesson learned here?  When you are running late and speeding through a school zone, make sure that no short little cops are hiding in the bushes first.

I wasn’t going to post today, because frankly, I am just all dried up. The humor and snark seem to have disappeared the past few weeks, and I just don’t have it in me to visit, much less write.

So, instead of writing my own post, I am going to highlight some great posts that I have stumbled across, and I encourage you to visit them!

InJaynesWorld. Jayne Martin is an unapologetic, bleeding-heart liberal who loves good horses, good friends, and good wine. A TV-writer in a former life, her credits include “Big Spender” for Animal Planet,and “A Child Too Many,” “Cradle of Conspiracy” & “Deceived By Trust,” for Lifetime. Now please, click on her link and read this post…seriously…you won’t be disappointed!!

Life According to Candice. This was a post from last week, and she puts Dr. Seuss to shame. Candice is snarky and funny and irreverent. Click on her link and you’ll see what I mean.

Mother Chick. I believe this was the first post that I read from her, and it amazes me that with her wit she doesn’t have a ton of followers, so I invite you to her place, even though she doesn’t know you are coming, and go and take a peek. She is hysterical.

Theta Mom. This lady does not need my help to get traffic. She is all things grace and graciousness and she writes informative blogs, helpful blogs, mommy blogs and an occasional giveaway here and there. If you want to take your blog to a new level, read this post and search around her stratosphere, you won’t be disappointed!!

A Fabulously Good Life. Maven is not only funny, she is heartfelt and you can relate to her on so many levels. She turns flaws into humor and she is an amazing blogger. Click her, you’ll see!

So, that is all for now…I kinda like this. Pay it forward. Link it. Give out the bloggy love and ask nothing in return. No award to pass along. No link back. Just because. I think I am going to do this more often….who knows I might get into heaven yet.

I am appealing to all of you Bloggesses and Bloggasses out there. And, yes, I made up those words…I like em! SHUT UP! Okay…before you go WTF, let me explain what they mean…

Bloggess is a Blogging Goddess
Bloggass is a Blogging God..get it…BLOG GASS…or BLOGG ASS…either way, it fits..hehe

See, good wholesome things.  I can be wholesome..CAN TOO!   Here’s what I need…three things…no, four things. Sorry, I just thought of one more.

First, I have that little button up on top there that says “Best Of“. If you click on that button, you note it is an empty page. I need my lovely Blogesses and Blogasses to tell me your favorite posts that should go on that page. I will post them all and of course give credit with a linky by who recommended them.

Second, I am rocking it out at 476 followers. I would LOVE to make it up to 500. So, any and all peeps you all send my way is very much appreciated. I need to point out that Erin the Muthah at The Mother Load has sent me a TON of you and for that Erin, I LOVE LOVE LOVE you…okay, that’s not the only reason, she gives great sex and despite the turrets, it is kind of a turn on when she is screaming cock in the midst of nookie.  And if you don’t follow her, YOU MUST!!

I believe in paying it forward in bloggyland, and will in turn, if your peeps let me know who sent them, do a whole post once I hit that 500 with your names and links. AND, I will even give away some fabulous personalized Lah Dee Dah soap to my number 500!! Click on the Our Soaps if you don’t have a clue as to what I am yammering on about!

Third, VOTE for the best Lah Dee Dah Soap Commercial. Voting ends on January 31, and you can vote as many times as you want. Tweet it, twat it, facebook it, just get your peeps over to vote!! A Visa gift card is on the line for the winner, and seriously, they are all fantabulous commercials!

Fourth, I want to start a commenting revolution for all of the Comment Crack Whores out there!! Grab my button, display it loud and proud, and when you see it on someone’s blog, leave them some love!! Oh, and if all of you would comment on just one tiny post, I can die happy.

The Queen thanks you and is outties!

I had a sex change. I had my blogger wiener cut off and I am now a pretty Vjayjay WordPress.

I have tons to post about, but I am plum tuckered out from playing with my vjayjay today.

So, just take a look around, kick off your shoes and play with my vjayjay and enjoy yourselves.

I’ll be back Wednesday with a REAL post.

Oh…I think you might need to refresh your readers and if you subscribe there is a new feed, so resign up and if you feel the urge to grab the button, knock yourselves out.

Now…Play.